interactions between people in relationships invariably evolve through four stages via maturing: meeting.. relating.. traditional relationship.. transcendent relationship. in each stage of relationship human beings have the opportunity to become more authentic by embracing authentic desires and emotions and by emerging with greater authenticity on more dimensions. during meeting authentic interactions generally produce pleasure whereas inauthentic interactions generally dont. some people can associate with one another over extended periods and never connect more deeply than they did when they first met. in fact their interactions may remain rooted exclusively in patterns that emerge from their individual mind and ego. of course it doesnt have to be that way. the more authentic people are capable of being during their initial meeting the more pleasure they will experience during and after the meeting and the more likely their future interactions will reach the next stage of interaction which is relating. when people relate they will be authentic at least part of the time. as pleasure increases so will the flow of sexual energy. with more sexual energy available the human heart will become more active. and that can lead to strong feelings of love. in fact when there is chemistry or mutual interest or when people are in extreme situations meetings can be so abbreviated that it can appear that people initiate their association by relating rather than meeting. a traditional relationship is designed to support the family unit. that will be its highest goal and it will use pleasure.. love.. and periodic intimacy to achieve that goal. in order to advance beyond relating to traditional relationship inauthentic desires.. emotions.. and activities which emerge from personas and external projections must be replaced.. at least some of the time.. by authentic desires.. emotions.. and activities that emerge from the authentic mind. when partners make the transition to traditional relationship their commitment to each other will keep them centered in their authentic mind at least part of the time. and because they can stay centered in their authentic mind part of the time they will be able to share pleasure.. love.. and periodic intimacy. in a transcendent relationship the traditional needs of partners have been subordinated to a higher purpose.. transcendence. partners whove made the transition to transcendent relationship will be authentic all the time. by remaining authentic they will experience an uninterrupted flow of sexual energy. and they will advance beyond periodic intimacy to permanent intimacy and joy. those whove made the transition to transcendent relationship are easy to spot. their feelings and emotions emerge spontaneously from their authentic mind and theyre able to empathize with the authentic desires.. feelings.. emotions.. and goals of other people. 

bruce lipton | the honeymoon effect: the science of creating heaven on earth

‘so basically the honeymoon effect is a story about the biology and the psychology of creating relationships. people talk about mind/body interactions and mind controlling life and.. well.. a lot of people say: my mind wouldnt have created this life. you can go back to a point where you fell in love and recognize a very simple truth: what you created was not an accident.. it was an activation of your conscious wishes.. desires.. and aspirations. you already did create heaven on earth.. the issue is what happened to it? and i said: ah.. the interference from the subconscious mind. if you understand the programing and how that programing is the default behavior and you understand how you can rewrite that programing then youre given an opportunity to eliminate the negative programs in your subconscious that have been sabotaging you and instead replace them with behaviors that correspond with your wishes and desires.. and when you do that so that you conscious mind and your subconscious mind have the same program then guess what: at that moment whether youre paying attention or whether youre not paying attention youll be engaged in the honeymoon experience. it never has to go away.. the honeymoon is an experience that you could have your whole life. this why we were here: we were here to create heaven on earth. the one time you did it is when you fell in love.. it could have stayed that way if you understood the mechanisms we have described here. but when you do understand the mechanisms it says you can go back and recreate that and make it a permanent way of life.’

andrew wk | party hard philosophy

‘i like to think of partying as doing what you want to do all the time. because normally.. from what i was taught.. youre supposed to do a bunch of stuff you dont like to do maybe during the week and then when thats done youve earned the right to have one night or two nights of fun: that just seems completely convoluted to me.. that just seems like someone tricking us telling us that the way the world works is that you dont get to do what you like. how about we do exactly what we like all of the time with the understanding that in fact thats how we will be most successful anyway because the amount of work it takes to be successful requires a lot of motivation and you usually only get your motivation when youre doing something you really like to do so why not just do that all the time and then you realize you dont have to set aside time to celebrate or have fun youre having it all of the time. so to me partying and partying hard is doing what you love to do everyday and that is what life should be. so it is possible.. it is absolutely possible to party 365/24/7.’

learning is an integral part of human nature.. but why do we .as adults. assume learning must be taught.. tested.. and reinforced? why do we put so much effort into making kids think and act like us?

in this hour: ted speakers explore the ways babies and children learn.. from the womb to the playground to the web.

from ancient greek temples to stateoftheart science labs.. join medical researcher dr esther sternberg as she studies the connection between the mind and body in order to understand how our brains.. emotions.. and environment influence healing. in this illuminating documentary.. dr sternberg explains fundamental concepts about healing.. shares fascinating research findings.. and relates her personal history of coping with illness.

goddess of universal remedy

substance meant to cure all diseases

an answer or solution for all problems or difficulties

something intended to completely solve a large multifaceted problem

sound made visible

link

parasites psychopathy and totalitarianism

after the sociopath youre left holding the bag. whats in the bag? emotional devastation.. everything you believed was a lie. anger.. at the sociopath and at yourself for being duped. financial ruin.. you have no money and staggering debts. children.. which the sociopath has either abandoned or demands. health problems.. from sexually transmitted diseases to post traumatic stress syndrome.

overcoming the trauma:

so how do you recover?

1. understand that youre not a fool.. you were targeted. sociopaths are expert manipulators. they spend their whole lives perfecting their acts. there are millions of sociopaths on the planet and each has conned hundreds of people. you are certainly not alone.

2. get help.. the right help. do not expect your family and friends to understand. no one really understands unless they.. too.. have been targeted. if you see a therapist.. make sure he or she knows what its like to be involved with a sociopath. some therapists are excellent.. but others really do not understand the trauma suffered by victims of sociopaths.

3. give yourself time and distance. the fastest way to heal is to have no contact with the sociopath. away from the predators influence the reality of the deceptions will become clear. even so.. you will have to do a lot of emotional processing and grieving. be patient with yourself.

yes.. they exist:

for any normal.. warmhearted person.. its difficult to believe that sociopaths actually exist. how can a person be so cruel? so empty? so evil?

furthermore.. the predator appears to be normal. he or she is living in your community.. working at your company.. or going to your church. Its enough to make you lose your faith in humanity. in fact.. many victims say they will never trust again.

yes.. they exist.. at 1% to 4% of the population.. there are millions of sociopaths out there. but remember.. that still leaves more than 90% of the population who arent sociopaths.

there is still good in the world. it is possible to recover.. love.. and trust.. if you give yourself permission and time to heal.. and be sure to get help from people who get it.

‘you no longer reside in me

you came uninvited

you snuck up on me

im erasing all the faces you used

your history no longer has power over me

i am no longer your slave

for the truth has set me free

it wasnt my fault

i was a victim

i committed no crime

but thats what you do

you lie

you confuse

you point fingers when the problem is you

how dare you demand i stay quiet

silence was the biggest weapon you held over me

i have no relation with you

this day I break free

i realize you are just a lie created to keep me down

today youre evicted

its been way too long

theres a life thats waiting for me

the prison you kept me in ive now found the key

i have a voice

i will no longer remain silent

im breaking free

i demand you go somewhere else

you no longer reside in me’

if you have to deal with divorce or child custody.. expect it to be nasty. its not that the sociopath actually cares about you or the kids. its just that he or she wants to win.. and make your life miserable in the process.

the goal of the sociopath father is to attain complete domination and control over his female partner and his means are to create fear.. isolation.. and total dependency. he seeks to take total control over his victim and will use any means possible to do so. critical and abusive words and actions are the most common means. then he isolates his victim from her family and friends and uses financial controls to limit her movements and decrease her self esteem. he systematically destroys her feelings of selfworth.. dignity.. and security. the sociopath is an emotional shell with no capacity to feel the pain of others and words only have meaning so far as they persuade and manipulate others to the sociopaths views. feelings and emotions are nonexistent but the sociopath is often able to cleverly mimic such emotions when needed and in ways which will deceive the observer into believing they are true emotions.

if his female victim threatens to leave him he will often threaten to kill her and their children if she were to do so and warns her that she will never be safe for the rest of her life. this gives him an immense hold over his female partner but eventually the situation becomes so intolerable, she finally escapes.

in recovery.. the suffering of the protective mother is far from ended. there then begins the harassment and continuing interference in her life.. using the children as a means to do so.

it is unfortunate that the family law.. which altruistically sought to give reasonable fathers a continuing and an active part in their childrens lives.. has been a gift for the sociopath to continue to exert domination and control over his former partner and children. although the sociopath may not have had a ‘meaningful relationship’ with his children in their past lives together and does not honestly want one in the future.. he insists on this as his right under law as it provides him with the opportunity to continue to abuse his former partner and the children.

this usually involves avoiding payment of child support or paying inadequate amounts at infrequent intervals. then he plays petty games at contact arrangements.. such as returning the children late or in a dishevelled state. he abuses his former partner in phone calls and makes continuing unreasonable demands for more time with the children.. although when the children are with him for staying contact.. they are left with his new partner and he spends little time with them. he uses the courts and its officials to enforce his rights if his former partner refuses to comply with the contact arrangements as a consequence of his behaviours. this has resulted in some protective mothers losing custody of their children and even being imprisoned and the children being placed with the sociopath father to endure unwitnessed further abuse.

it has also led to the deaths of several hundred children killed by their sociopath fathers and many mothers and other relatives have also been killed. in 2005 in new south wales one of australias six states.. 117 children suffered unnatural deaths at the hands of their parents and 74 intimate partners were killed. on occasions the sociopath father has taken his own life with those of his former partner and children.

the use of parental alienation syndrome has proved to be a highly effective tool for sociopaths to use in disputed court proceedings regarding the custody and contact with children.. as they can so readily engage in deception and fabrication.. distortion.. and embellishment of facts regarding events and actions. they are adept at attracting the sympathy of court officials and lawyers and using them to gain what they see as their rights. some sociopaths also appear to have infiltrated the fathers rights groups in some countries where they have been able to bring influence to further enable their domination and control over females.

it is to be hoped that society and courts are able to more easily identify such sociopaths in the future and thereby provide the necessary protections for children and their mothers.

it doesnt end there..

the sad truth about sociopaths is that the temperamental traits that lead to this character disorder are mostly genetic. this means the child of a sociopath may inherit a predisposition for the disorder. it also means a sociopathic child can be born into a normal loving family.

dr. liane leedom.. author of ‘just like his father?’ believes that although a child with a sociopathic biological parent may have a genetic connection to the disorder.. parenting and the environment have a role in determining if the antisocial personality fully develops. to prevent a child from becoming a sociopath.. she says.. intervention must begin while the child is young.. certainly before puberty.

*thereafter.. truth and love can always hold hope for healing and solution.

written by author vaishali

i had yet another conversation.. with yet another friend.. who found themselves reeling from an intimate relationship with yet another sociopath predator. is it just me or has the human landscape.. for whatever reason.. become more and more littered with people that simply have not developed a conscience?

the story is typical: the sociopath was married yet claimed he was not. the sociopath falsely claimed he had cancer.. so he could travel with impunity between the people he strung along. he was charming.. he ingratiated himself to the entire family and their circle of friends. if anyone in the family questioned his behavior or came close to connecting the dots on his rampant deceit the sociopath would become outraged and shift blame onto his intended victim. he spouted poisonous lies every time he opened his mouth. and.. of course.. its a given that the sociopath had no remorse for the trail of human destruction he left in his wake and actually enjoyed knowing his activities were twisting a knife that would leave permanent scars.

not only have i heard this story before.. but i also have a couple to tell myself. life experiences i racked up here in the planet earth classroom. even without knowing their personal situations.. i could recite chapter and verse how these people got caught up in the web that the sociopath weaves so well. i also know the anguish and deepseated feelings of pain and betrayal that one goes through when the whole house of cards finally collapses and realization that the person who claimed to love you the most is as toxic as a meltdown at a nuclear reactor.

it is not my intention to give a lot of exposure to the sociopaths in our brief time together. there is a lot of great information available these days about their profile and how to spot them. one of the best out there is the martha stout phd book: the sociopath next door: the ruthless versus the rest of us. what i want to do is focus instead on how to go about picking up the pieces after the sociopath bomb has exploded in your life. there are many different types of sociopath.. but i am going to focus on recovery from the love.. or romantic sociopath predator relationship. here are a few simple but extremely powerful tips i learned the hard way. i feel compelled to share these with you if for no other reason than to equalize the playing field.

number one: the sociopath predators love tearing your world and especially your selfesteem to shreds. they revel in the knowledge that they are destroying you in ways that can be undetectable. the most crucial thing to bearing mind when taking your life and power back from these insidious conscienceless forces of destruction is dont beat yourself up! the sociopath predator has already done a professional job of just that. you are the only person with a conscience and functional moral compass in this equation. you are the sole force of integrity and honesty in this mix. you have suffered enough! you have to stop the madness and not continue to forge a path through selfinflicted brutality. you are probably bludgeoning yourself with questions like: how could i have not seen this coming? answer: you would have if you didnt have a conscience as well. the rest of us dont think in such deliberately distorted and diseased ways. question: shouldnt i have connected the dots earlier and trusted in my inner knowing? answer: this experience is how you are learning to do just that.

do you blame a child for not knowing how to walk straight out of the womb? of course not. this experience has solidified the ethereal process of trusting in your gut instinct..  your feeling and knowing. this is your right of passage in becoming an expert at sensing knowing and trusting in the red flags as they appear in the field of reality from this time forward. now you know when something does not feel right or look right in a way that no one is going to be able to talk you out of. the gift.. amidst all of this rubble.. is that you now have an embodied galvanized selfcorrective guidance system you can trust in and rely on.

your job from here on out is to end the reign of hostility in your life. that includes the selfinflicted variety as well. there is no reason to continue hurting yourself and picking up where the sociopath left off after that predator has been ousted. sociopaths.. by nature.. have no conscious. but they know you do.. and they are masters at using yours against you. the biggest pitfall left to extricate yourself from is that of shame. there is nothing a sociopath predator loves more than to know you are crumbling under the strain of shame guilt and selfloathing for violations they committed. in the name of growing beyond that everconstricting snare.. i want to share a great acronym for shame I recently came across here. shame is a physiological/emotional booby trap the sociopath predator leaves behind. dont step in it.. do not deploy it. defuse dismantle and discard it.

number two: you have to make your mind like teflon when the habit to revisit and relive the details of all the lies cheating and manipulations resurfaces in your memory. let that ugly energy slide right offof you. nothing sticks because you are too busy refocusing on your new life.. meeting new wonderful and caring people. you have cleaned up your relationship space. you now have room to invite in and bond with likeminded people of integrity and compassion.

deny the sociopath predator any further power in your life. every time you shrink back in fear that you can no longer trust people you give your power away to the sociopath predator yet again. you have to choose that they no longer get a saying the quality of your life. they no longer get to influence the potential of how free and expansive your experience of life can be. this is the time to take to heart the satchel page quote: work like you dont need the money. dancelike no one is watching. love like you have never been hurt. this is how you take back your power.. your life.. and your peace of mind!

every time you slip back into that noxious quagmire of reflection on the bondage of pain.. stop! instead.. focus on what you do want. focus on the life you came here to live.. not the existence you wish to grow beyond. focus on the loving caring relationships you do have.. be it your animal companion.. friends.. or even your sense of humor. dont succumb to the sociopaths will.. the best revenge is living well. you have to take your mind back and make it your best friend and not your second worst enemy. you have made it through the graduate class in learning how to trust in yourself. now is the time to go out and live the life you just paid a very hefty price for.

number three: for those of you who feel that spirituality still has something viable and life sustaining to offer.. please consider this: many many people have died and returned to tell about the experience.. commonly know as an nde (near death experience). the consistent element in these personal accounts is what is referred to as the life review. when a person dies.. they see their life in a review. but it is not like watching your life like one would view a movie. in the life review you live your life from the viewpoint of those around you. and you not only see your life events.. you feel them too. for example: if you were a schoolyard bully.. in your life review you would now feel what it was like to be on the receiving end of your violence.

what could you ever do to a sociopath predator that is worse than turning the tables and having them now suffer through the pain and misery they so joyously delivered into your life? they will ultimately get away with nothing. they will be tortured and tormented to the same exacting degree that you were.. without escape.. without reprieve.. without exception. you do not have to do anything but get on with your new life. no need to soil your own hands.. just focus on the good and lifesustaining opportunities you have for growth and personal happiness.

number four: remember this all about you moving forward as a wiser more aware person as a result of graduating from this relationship. leave the bitterness behind. it will not serve you in creating a life worth living. the only thing that matters now is loving and nurturing yourself through the grief and the shock. the greater the new and improved version of your life is.. the happier and more resilient you are. and the more powerless and meaningless the sociopath predator will become.

keep focusing on what you do want. when the habit to look back sneaks up on you.. keep your eye on the prize: keep putting one emotional foot in front of the other and commit yourself to moving forward. no one will be able to talk you out of your power again. you now recognize the inner alarm of deception whether or not you can actually put your finger on what exactly seems wrong.

the universe at large will take care of educating the sociopath predator. it is no longer your problem. just create the best possible life review for yourself that is humanly and divinely possible. there is a new life that awaits you. find it.. live it.. celebrate it.. claim it. you deserve it!